During his seven months in India, he had written to his parents onlysporadically, getting mail at the American Express office in

New Delhi when he passed through, and so they were somewhatsurprised when they got a call from the Oakland airport asking them

 

to pick him up. They immediately drove up from Los Altos. “

My head had been shaved, I was wearing Indian cotton robes,

and my skin had turned a deep, chocolate brown-red from the sun,”

he recalled. “So I’m sitting there and my parents walked past me about

five times and finally my mother came up and said ‘Steve?’ and I said ‘Hi!’”

They took him back home, where he continued trying to find himself.

It was a pursuit with many paths toward enlightenment. In the mornings

and evenings he would meditate and study Zen, and in between he would

drop in to audit physics or engineering courses at Stanford.

The Search

Jobs’s interest in Eastern spirituality, Hinduism, Zen Buddhism,

and the search for enlightenment was not merely the passing phase

of a nineteen-year-old. Throughout his life he would seek to follow

many of the basic precepts of Eastern religions, such as the emphasis

on experiential praj?ā, wisdom or cognitive understanding that is intuitively

experienced through concentration of the mind. Years later, sitting in his

Palo Alto garden, he reflected on the lasting influence of his trip to India:

Coming back to America was, for me, much more of a cultural shock than

going to India. The people in the Indian countryside don’t use their intellect

like we do, they use their intuition instead, and their intuition is far more

developed than in the rest of the world. Intuition is a very powerful thing,

more powerful

than intellect, in my

opinion. That’s had

a big impact on my work.

cypaint.cn

Kottke found Kobun amusing. “His English was atrocious,” he recalled.

“He would speak in a kind of haiku, with poetic, suggestive phrases.

We would sit and listen to him, and half the time we had no idea what he

 

was going on about. I took the whole thing as a kind of lighthearted interlude.”

Holmes was more into the scene. “We would go to Kobun’s meditations,

 

sit on zafu cushions, and he would sit on a dais,” she said. “We learned how

to tune out distractions. It was a magical thing. One evening we were

meditating with Kobun when it was raining, and he taught us how to use

ambient sounds to bring us back to focus on our meditation.”

As for Jobs, his devotion was intense. “He became really serious and

self-important and just generally unbearable,” according to Kottke.

He began meeting with Kobun almost daily, and every few months they

went on retreats together to meditate. “I ended up spending as much time as

I could with him,” Jobs recalled. “He had a wife who was a nurse at Stanford

and two kids. She worked the night shift, so I would go over and hang out

with him in the evenings. She would get home about midnight and shoo me away.”

They sometimes discussed whether Jobs should devote himself fully to spiritual

pursuits, but Kobun counseled otherwise. He assured Jobs that he could keep

in touch with his spiritual side while working in a business. The relationship turned

out to be lasting and deep; seventeen years later Kobun would perform

Jobs’s wedding ceremony.

Jobs’s compulsive search for self-awareness also led him to undergo

primal scream therapy, which had recently been developed and popularized

by a Los Angeles psychotherapist named Arthur Janov. It was based on the

Freudian theory that psychological problems are caused by the repressed

pains of childhood; Janov argued that they could be resolved by re-suffering

these primal moments while fully expressing the pain—sometimes in screams.

To Jobs, this seemed preferable to talk therapy because it involved intuitive

feeling and emotional action rather than just rational analyzing.

“This was not something to think about,” he later said. “This was something to do: to

 

close your eyes, hold

your breath, jump in,

and come out the

other end more insightful.”

china-yinxiang.cn

and he even agreed to join the board. But when

Brilliant brought some board members, including

Wavy Gravy and Jerry Garcia, to Apple right after its

 

IPO to solicit a donation, Jobs was not forthcoming.

He instead worked on finding ways that a donated

Apple II and a VisiCalc program could make it easier

for the foundation to do a survey it was

planning on blindness in Nepal.

 

Jobs confided to close friends that he was driven by the pain he was feeling

about being put up for adoption and not knowing about his birth parents.

“Steve had a very profound desire to know his physical parents so he could

better know himself,” Friedland later said. He had learned from Paul and

Clara Jobs that his birth parents had both been graduate students at a university

and that his father might be Syrian. He had even thought about hiring

a private investigator, but he decided not to do so for the time being.

“I didn’t want to hurt my parents,” he recalled, referring to Paul and Clara.

“He was struggling with the fact that he had been adopted,” according to

Elizabeth Holmes. “He felt that it was an issue that he needed to get hold

of emotionally.” Jobs admitted as much to her. “This is something that is

bothering me, and I need to focus on it,” he said. He was even more open with

Greg Calhoun. “He was doing a lot of soul-searching about being adopted, and

he talked about it with me a lot,” Calhoun recalled. “The primal scream and the

mucusless diets, he was trying to cleanse himself and get deeper into his

frustration about his birth. He told me he was deeply angry about the

fact that he had been given up.”

John Lennon had undergone the same primal scream therapy in 1970,

and in December of that year he released the song “Mother” with the

Plastic Ono Band. It dealt with Lennon’s own feelings about a father who

had abandoned him and a mother who had been killed when he was a teenager.

The refrain includes

the haunting chant “

Mama don’t go, Daddy come

home.” Jobs used to

play the song often.

www.sl1818.com

I watched people at Apple who made a lot of money and

felt they had to live differently. Some of them bought

a Rolls-Royce and various houses, each with a house

manager and then someone to manage the house

 

managers. Their wives got plastic surgery and

turned into these bizarre people. This was not how

I wanted to live. It’s crazy. I made a promise

to myself that I’m not going to let this money ruin my life.

 

for a while. His confidence improved and his feelings of inadequacy were reduced.”

Jobs came to believe that he could impart that feeling of confidence

to others and thus push them to do things they hadn’t thought possible.

 

Holmes had broken up with Kottke and joined a religious cult in San

Francisco that expected her to sever ties with all past friends. But Jobs

rejected that injunction. He arrived at the cult house in his Ford Ranchero

 

one day and announced that he was driving up to Friedland’s apple farm

and she was to come. Even more brazenly, he said she would have to drive

part of the way, even though she didn’t know how to use the stick shift.

 

“Once we got on the open road, he made me get behind the wheel, and he

shifted the car until we got up to 55 miles per hour,” she recalled.

 

“Then he puts on a tape of Dylan’s Blood on the Tracks, lays his head

in my lap, and goes to sleep. He had the attitude that he could do anything,

and therefore so can you. He put his life in my hands. So that made me

 

do something I didn’t think I could do.”

It was the brighter side of what would become known as his reality

 

distortion field. “If you trust him, you can do things,” Holmes said.

“If he’s decided that something should happen,

 

then he’s just going to make it happen.”

Breakout

One day in early 1975 Al Alcorn was sitting in his office at Atari when Ron Wayne burst in.

“Hey, Stevie is back!”

he shouted.

“Wow, bring him on in,”

Alcorn replied.

sl1818.com

Wozniak, not surprisingly, had the opposite attitude.

Before the shares went public, he decided to sell, at a very

low price, two thousand of his options to forty different midlevel

 

employees. Most of his beneficiaries made enough to buy a home.

Wozniak bought a dream home for himself and his new wife, but

she soon divorced him and kept the house. He also later gave shares

outright to employees he felt had been shortchanged, including Kottke,

 

Fernandez, Wigginton, and Espinosa. Everyone loved Wozniak,

all the more so after his generosity, but many also agreed with

Jobs that he was “awfully na?ve and childlike.” A few months later

a United Way poster showing a destitute man went up on a company

bulletin board. Someone scrawled on it “Woz in 1990.”

Wozniak, who was living in an apartment nearby and working at

HP, would come by after dinner to hang out and play the video games.

He had become addicted to Pong at a Sunnyvale bowling alley,

and he was able to build a version that he hooked up to his home TV set.

One day in the late summer of 1975, Nolan Bushnell, defying the

prevailing wisdom that paddle games were over, decided to develop

a single-player version of Pong; instead of competing against an

opponent, the player would volley the ball into a wall that lost a brick

whenever it was hit. He called Jobs into his office, sketched it out

on his little blackboard, and asked him to design it. There would be

a bonus, Bushnell told him, for every chip fewer than fifty that he used.

Bushnell knew that Jobs was not a great engineer, but he assumed, correctly,

that he would recruit Wozniak, who was always hanging around.

“I looked at it as a two-for-one thing,” Bushnell recalled. “Woz was a better engineer.”

Wozniak was thrilled when Jobs asked him to help and proposed splitting the fee.

“This was the most wonderful offer in my life, to actually design a game

that people would use,” he recalled. Jobs said it had to be done in four days

and with the fewest chips possible. What he hid from Wozniak was that the

deadline was one that Jobs had imposed, because he needed to get to the

All One Farm to help prepare for the apple harvest. He also didn’t

mention that there

was a bonus tied to

keeping down

the number of chips.

www.njkll.com.cn

I watched people at Apple who made a lot of money and

felt they had to live differently. Some of them bought

a Rolls-Royce and various houses, each with a house

manager and then someone to manage the house

 

managers. Their wives got plastic surgery and

turned into these bizarre people. This was not how

I wanted to live. It’s crazy. I made a promise

to myself that I’m not going to let this money ruin my life.

 

for a while. His confidence improved and his feelings of inadequacy were reduced.”

Jobs came to believe that he could impart that feeling of confidence

to others and thus push them to do things they hadn’t thought possible.

 

Holmes had broken up with Kottke and joined a religious cult in San

Francisco that expected her to sever ties with all past friends. But Jobs

rejected that injunction. He arrived at the cult house in his Ford Ranchero

 

one day and announced that he was driving up to Friedland’s apple farm

and she was to come. Even more brazenly, he said she would have to drive

part of the way, even though she didn’t know how to use the stick shift.

 

“Once we got on the open road, he made me get behind the wheel, and he

shifted the car until we got up to 55 miles per hour,” she recalled.

 

“Then he puts on a tape of Dylan’s Blood on the Tracks, lays his head

in my lap, and goes to sleep. He had the attitude that he could do anything,

and therefore so can you. He put his life in my hands. So that made me

 

do something I didn’t think I could do.”

It was the brighter side of what would become known as his reality

 

distortion field. “If you trust him, you can do things,” Holmes said.

“If he’s decided that something should happen,

 

then he’s just going to make it happen.”

Breakout

One day in early 1975 Al Alcorn was sitting in his office at Atari when Ron Wayne burst in.

“Hey, Stevie is back!”

he shouted.

“Wow, bring him on in,”

Alcorn replied.

sl1818.com

Is it possible that memories are muddled and that

Jobs did not, in fact, shortchange Wozniak?

“There’s a chance that my memory is all wrong

 

and messed up,” Wozniak told me, but after

a pause he reconsidered. “But no. I remember

the details of this one, the $350 check.”

 

He confirmed his memory with Nolan

Bushnell and Al Alcorn. “I remember

talking about the bonus money to Woz,

 

and he was upset,” Bushnell said. “I said yes,

there was a bonus for each chip they saved,

and he just shook his head and

then clucked his tongue.”

 

In addition to their interest in computers,

they shared a passion for music.

“It was an incredible time for music,”

 

 

Jobs recalled. “It was like living at a time when

Beethoven and Mozart were alive. Really. People

will look back on it that way. And Woz and I were

 

deeply into it.” In particular, Wozniak turned Jobs

on to the glories of Bob Dylan.

 

“We tracked down this guy in Santa Cruz who put

out this newsletter on Dylan,” Jobs said. “Dylan

taped all of his concerts, and some of the people

 

around him were not scrupulous, because soon

there were tapes all around. Bootlegs of everything.

And this guy had them all.”

 

Hunting down Dylan tapes soon became a joint

venture. “The two of us would go tramping through

San Jose and Berkeley and ask about Dylan bootlegs

 

and collect them,” said Wozniak. “We’d buy brochures

of Dylan lyrics and stay up late interpreting them.

Dylan’s words struck chords of creative thinking.”

 

Added Jobs, “I had more than a hundred hours,

including every concert on the ’65 and ’66 tour,”

the one where Dylan went electric. Both of them

 

bought high-end TEAC reel-to-reel tape decks.

“I would use mine at a low speed to record many

concerts on one tape,” said Wozniak.

 

Jobs matched his obsession:

“Instead of big speakers I bought a pair

of awesome headphones and would just

 

lie in my bed and listen to that stuff for hours.”

Jobs had formed a club at Homestead High to

put on music-and-light shows and also play

 

pranks. (They once glued a gold-painted toilet

seat onto a flower planter.) It was called the

Buck Fry Club, a play on the name of the principal.

 

Even though they had already graduated, Wozniak

and his friend Allen Baum joined forces with Jobs,

at the end of his junior year, to produce a farewell

 

gesture for the departing seniors. Showing off the

Homestead campus four decades later, Jobs paused

at the scene of the escapade and pointed. “See that

 

balcony? That’s where we did the banner prank that

sealed our friendship.” On a big bedsheet Baum had

tie-dyed with the school’s green and white colors,

 

they painted a huge hand flipping the middle-finger

salute. Baum’s nice Jewish mother helped them draw

it and showed them how to do the shading and

 

shadows to make it look more real.

“I know what that is,” she snickered. They devised a

system of ropes and pulleys so that it could be

 

dramatically lowered as the graduating class

marched past the balcony, and they signed it

“SWAB JOB,” the initials of Wozniak and Baum

combined with part of Jobs’

s name. The prank
became part of school
lore—and got Jobs
suspended one more time.
www.bijibenweixiu.com

After a pleasant year at De Anza, Wozniak took time off to make some money.

He found work at a company that made computers for the California Motor Vehicle Department, and a coworker made him a wonderful offer: He would provide some spare chips so Wozniak could make one of the computers he had been sketching on paper. Wozniak decided to use as few chips as possible, both as a personal challenge and because he did not want to take advantage of his colleague’s largesse.

Much of the work was done in the garage of a friend just around the corner,

Bill Fernandez, who was still at Homestead High. To lubricate their efforts, they drank large amounts of Cragmont cream

soda, riding their bikes to the Sunnyvale Safeway to return the bottles, collect the deposits, and buy more. “That’s how we started referring to it as the Cream Soda Computer,” Wozniak recalled.

It was basically a calculator capable of multiplying numbers entered by a set of switches and displaying the results in binary code with little lights.

When it was finished, Fernandez told Wozniak there was someone at Homestead High he should meet. “His name is Steve. He likes to do pranks like you do, and he’s also into building electronics like you are.” It may have been the most significant meeting in a Silicon Valley garage since Hewlett went into

Packard’s thirty-two years earlier. “Steve and I just sat on the sidewalk in front of Bill’s house for the longest time, just sharing stories—mostly about pranks we’d pulled, and also what kind of electronic designs we’d done,” Wozniak recalled. “We had so much in common. Typically, it was really hard for me to

explain to people what kind of design stuff I worked on, but Steve got it right away. And I liked him. He was kind of skinny and wiry and full of energy.” Jobs was also impressed. “Woz was the first

person I’d met who knew more electronics than I did,” he once said, stretching his own expertise. “I liked him right away. I was a little more mature than my years, and he was a little less
mature than his, so it
evened out. Woz was
very bright, but
emotionally he was my age.”
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“A game like this might take most engineers a few months,” Wozniak recalled.

“I thought that there was no way I could do it, but Steve made me sure that I

could.” So he stayed up four nights in a row and did it. During the day at

 

HP, Wozniak would sketch out his design on paper. Then, after a fast-food meal,

he would go right to Atari and stay all night. As Wozniak churned out the design,

Jobs sat on a bench to his left implementing it by wire-wrapping the chips onto

 

a breadboard. “While Steve was breadboarding, I spent time playing my

favorite game ever, which was the auto racing game Gran Trak 10,” Wozniak said.

Astonishingly, they were able to get the job done in four days, and

Wozniak used only forty-five chips. Recollections differ, but by most

accounts Jobs simply gave Wozniak half of the base fee and not the bonus

Bushnell paid for saving five chips. It would be another ten years before

Wozniak discovered (by being shown the tale in a book on the history of

Atari titled Zap) that Jobs had been paid this bonus. “I think that Steve needed

the money, and he just didn’t tell me the truth,” Wozniak later said.

When he talks about it now, there are long pauses, and he admits that it

causes him pain. “I wish he had just been honest. If he had told me he

needed the money, he should have known I would have just given it to

him. He was a friend. You help your friends.” To Wozniak, it showed

a fundamental difference in their characters. “Ethics always mattered to me,

and I still don’t understand why he would’ve gotten paid one thing and told

me he’d gotten paid another,” he said. “But, you know, people are different.”

When Jobs learned this story was published, he called Wozniak to deny it.

“He told me that he didn’t remember doing it, and that if he did something

like that he would remember it, so he probably didn’t do it,” Wozniak recalled.

When I asked Jobs directly, he became unusually quiet and hesitant.

“I don’t know where that allegation comes from,” he said. “I gave him

half the money I ever got. That’s how I’ve always been with Woz. I mean,

Woz stopped working in 1978. He never did one ounce

of work after 1978.

And yet he got exactly

the same shares of

Apple stock that I did.”

njkll.com.cn

Western rational thought is not an innate human characteristic;

it is learned and is the great achievement of Western civilization.

In the villages of India, they never learned it. They learned something else,

 

which is in some ways just as valuable but in other ways is not.

That’s the power of intuition and experiential wisdom.

Coming back after seven months in Indian villages, I saw the craziness

 

of the Western world as well as its capacity for rational thought.

If you just sit and observe, you will see how restless your mind is.

If you try to calm it, it only makes it worse, but over time it does calm,

and when it does, there’s room to hear more subtle things—that’s when

your intuition starts to blossom and you start to see things more clearly

and be in the present more. Your mind just slows down, and you see

a tremendous expanse in the moment. You see so much more than

you could see before. It’s a discipline; you have to practice it.

Zen has been a deep influence in my life ever since. At one point

I was thinking about going to Japan and trying to get into the

Eihei-ji monastery, but my spiritual advisor urged me to stay here.

He said there is nothing over there that isn’t here, and he was correct.

I learned the truth of the Zen saying that if you are willing to travel around

the world to meet a teacher, one will appear next door.

Jobs did in fact find a teacher right in his own neighborhood. Shunryu Suzuki,

who wrote Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind and ran the San Francisco Zen Center,

used to come to Los Altos every Wednesday evening to lecture and meditate

with a small group of followers. After a while he asked his assistant,

Kobun Chino Otogawa, to open a full-time center there. Jobs became

a faithful follower, along with his occasional girlfriend, Chrisann Brennan,

and Daniel Kottke and Elizabeth Holmes. He also began to go by himself on

retreats to the

Tassajara Zen Center,

a monastery near

Carmel where

Kobun also taught.

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